Narimo ing Pandum – The Javanese Recipe for a Happier Life

Words by T. Ardian Roring

Happiness may just be the ultimate quest for mankind. It is a true luxury that makes one’s life, no matter how flawed, worthwhile. Sadly, though, it is a treasure not everyone can possess. Some spend a lifetime looking for it but fail; some others relentlessly pursue worldly stuff they thought were the keys to achieve it only to end up being miserable and emotionally wrecked. It seems that only a select few can proudly say they have mastered the art of being joyful in a world full of disappointments, shattered dreams, and unfulfilled expectations.

Considering how precious happiness is yet how difficult it is for people to fully immerse in it, societies and civilizations since ages ago have been trying to decode the secret formula to experiencing bliss in day-to-day life. One of the recipes to living life happily that many people might not yet hear of is Narimo ing Pandum – a philosophical guidance taught by ancient Javanese people of Indonesia that is still passed down from generation to generation up to now.

Narimo and pandum means “to accept” and “gift” respectively, while ing is a Javanese preposition similar to “towards”. To put it simply, Narimo ing Pandum can be defined as an act of accepting what life has given to us sincerely and wholeheartedly (Alfianto, 2021). One essential thing to note, though, people who practice this teaching agree that “to accept” does not necessarily mean “not trying to achieve what we desire.” In other words, Narimo ing Pandum does teach us to embrace whatever life throws at us and get on with it; however, it also expects us to strive and give our best in order to achieve the life we want despite circumstances that may not seem ideal.

To completely practice Narimo ing Pandum, there are 3 forms of mindset that we must take up and encapsulate in our lives: acceptance, gratitude, and patience (Endraswara, Mulyana, and Widayat, in Maharani, 2018).

Acceptance

When we accept things, we stop being in denial. We speak honestly to ourselves that our hard work has not paid off, our goals have not materialized, and our positive affirmations have not manifested. We acknowledge that the reality and all of those bitter facts we have to swallow in whole are different from what we envision. However, in spite of all of those things that have not gone our way, we are okay with that, at least we are trying to be. We opt against loathing the Universe, and we never accuse it to have betrayed us, left us all alone, and refused to conspire for us.

In a way, acceptance meant in Narimo ing Pandum teaching is similar to the infamous Stoic wisdom Amor Fati – a love of fate. The main takeaway is to love our fate unconditionally. That way, we are more prepared in dealing with disappointments and more resistance against potential heartbreaks resulting from unfulfilled expectations because we devote ourselves to embracing life as it is.

That being said, embracing our fate is not always easy. In that case, practice letting go will benefit us a lot. One of the reasons why our stress and bitterness linger is that we cling onto our idealism too much. Hence, at times, we need to set ourselves free from our own hopes, standards, and expectations. Only by that can we remove all the negative emotions that weigh us down and prevent us from living mindfully and getting through each day one step at a time. As taught by Taoism’s main teaching Wu Wei, by letting go and not forcing things, we can manage our emotions better and live genuinely with a significantly reduced anxiety level (Cooper, 2020).

Gratitude

According to Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries, gratitude refers to moments when we feel grateful. Not only that, when we actually feel it, we will be moved to express that gratitude. This definition aligns with what gratitude means as a key factor to mastering Narimo ing Pandum. We are expected to say thank you and articulate our gratitude to the Universe even though what happens in our life does not correspond with our wishes.

It is definitely not easy to express our thankfulness when life happens differently than we hope for. However, mastering the art of gratitude will be worth it. Many scientific studies found positive correlations between being grateful and happiness. Based on an article published by Harvard Medical School (2021), research in positive psychology has indicated that dedicated and continuous practice of gratitude is likely to result in a happier state of mind as gratitude enables us to indulge in positive emotions better and fortify our mentality in dealing with hardship. In addition, gratefulness allows us to think more positively and be more content and satisfied with life (Brower, 2021).

Patience

Again, accepting fate does not mean being passive and lazy. While we embrace whatever we go through and try to be thankful for what happens along the way, we still need to make the best use of our strengths, optimize our potentials, and go the extra mile to realize our goals. When things get tougher and all our efforts seem in vain, that is when patience comes in and plays a significant role. Narimo ing Pandum teaches us that our hard work will eventually pay off. We will get rewarded at some point in our life. It may not be the exact reward that we dream of, but the Universe will send its blessings to us at a time it deems right. Till that day, we need to stay patient and accept our fate sincerely. By taming our ego, our journey will be less burdensome and we will be happier.

At the end of the day, we are responsible for our happiness. May practicing Narimo Ing Pandum enable us to become a happier version of ourselves!

Notes:

Alfianto, M. (2021). “Nrimo ing pandum”, petuah sederhana namun sulit dilakukan.

Brower, T. (2021). Gratitude is a key to happiness: 4 reasons why.

Cooper, T. (2020). The power of letting go: lessons from the tao.

Gratitude. In Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries.

Harvard Medical School. (2021). Giving thanks can make you happier.

Maharani, R. (2018). Penerapan falsafah narimo ing pandum dalam pendekatan person-centered untuk mengatasi depresi remaja. Paper presented at Seminar Nasional Bimbingan dan Konseling. Universitas PGRI Madiun.

Ardi is an Indonesian who is passionate about philosophy, psychology, and writing. Having previously worked as a content writer and won several writing competitions in Indonesia, his desire to excel in writing has never worn off. During his spare time, he reads philosophical works of Camus, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, and other famous philosophers. He is also a fan of Jung’s theories of archetypes and personalities. He believes that reading philosophical and psychology-related pieces of writing has developed his ability to reason and observe human’s life, which indirectly has also excelled his capabilities in writing.